Perfectly Imperfect...

Perfectly Imperfect... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/ Fri, 11 Feb 2011 06:30:33 -0000 Thu, 22 Apr 2010 15:37:08 -0000 Perfectly Imperfect... http://images.dutchessq17.multiply.com/logo http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/ 100 100 The Mad Hatter as a woman http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/21/The_Mad_Hatter_as_a_woman She went merrily wherever she goes... Up the hill, down the hill, it didn't matter. Her obliviousness was her most cherished characteristic, and for her, ignorance really is bliss. There are no wheels in her world, no ups and downs. There are only images and doodles that floats around with tiny wings. Her day is made up of bumming out, roaming with out direction and creating songs with no meaning. But for her, it made perfect sense. Time is not of the essence in her mindset. This is her defense mechanism. Sanity is her enemy. Reality is at war with her, and time cannot capture her in her world. She prances around with no master and her heart is chained from the inside. But sometimes, it catches up. And her world crumbles down. She always get back up though, so worry not. Buckets of tears, stone-heavy heart meets her for twenty days and twenty nights. But at the twenty-first day, she shines once more. Overcoming the storm, no, pushing the storm so far at the back of her mind, and leaves... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/21/The_Mad_Hatter_as_a_woman Thu, 22 Apr 2010 15:37:08 -0000 This is a song that I composed…. It’s an early... • Perfectly Imperfect http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/links/item/1/1 please give me http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/links/item/1/1 Sun, 4 Apr 2010 12:53:05 -0000 Dying of Thirst http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/20/Dying_of_Thirst It has taken the best of me Not just a drop but everything I dehydrate with the sole memory Of a thirst-quenching drink of bitter ale I've been wrung out to the core And thrown aside for more And they repeat it again and again No water to spare, no love to share I've been dying of thirst Ever since I gave up on my dreams Ever since I gave up reaching out Running after fantasies And reality got the best of me I'm dying but I'm living A standard stand-still An eternal twilight I'm dying, but I won't Like a cruel torture But today, I'll drink and day-dream For the day, I fight for my dreams I won't be dying of thirst http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/20/Dying_of_Thirst Sat, 16 Jan 2010 14:55:19 -0000 Tale of the End http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/19/Tale_of_the_End It's been years But still it haunts me How it ended Not how it began It started as a love story And ended in tragedy Would you like me to tell you a story? Of the end Not the beginning I met you Fell in love With a monster in you We fought against it Cried about it To no avail But we found the answer The only cure But to use it You would have to give something in return Equivalent exchange I said don't Stay the same And you nodded and stayed silent But that night You came to the shore You were there With a solemn face Then you did it The cure "Don't forget." You chanted over and over again You fainted You woke up Looked at me In silence Tears came silently It was then clear With your words "Who are you?" The memories of me Gone from your mind Love for me Gone with it Like a headstone In the middle of nowhere My existence to you Became unknown http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/19/Tale_of_the_End Sat, 16 Jan 2010 14:37:12 -0000 War Baby http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/18/War_Baby There was a moment of silence Before the war began And as the time's nearer There stands a lone man He held his can dearly As if death was here And the tension was ringing There was nothing but fear Children, all shivering, Yearns for their mothers And fathers who are out Couldn't be seen from the shutters And I were one of them An orphan almost I could almost remember The potatoes and roast Of the good times, were peace And dinner always served But now it was nearly over I could hear it from the curb There was silence, But what's worse Would Mom Or Dad die first? http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/18/War_Baby Tue, 8 Dec 2009 14:58:46 -0000 If It Was Me http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/17/If_It_Was_Me Our love, you know, beyond all doubt Was wrong and cruel but dear Now as we part our hands withdraw There wasn't any fear I went home then and went to bed I couldn't stare her in the eye For I know that with our love so wrong If she knew then she would cry That night I swore I heard a laugh A chuckle so dark and deep I straightened up and looked around This creature who broke my sleep And there by the end of my bed A devil that's small in size Looked at me so savagely As if I were a prize "Child, you fool, you brought this on yourself so don't repent. This sin, so vile, is yours to pay Your soul then if you can't." "It had to be done!" I screamed at it The devil snorted a laugh He danced around my bed as if Victory is in its lap The morning came and I woke up The dream was all but real But as I got out of my bed The world to a still Blood, I thought, I smell it now The horror is in the room My lover sprawled there in the ground The room was but his tomb And in my hands I held a knife I knew beyond all doubt I killed th... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/17/If_It_Was_Me Sat, 28 Nov 2009 14:39:22 -0000 I am a manga dork and a murderous freak http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/16/I_am_a_manga_dork_and_a_murderous_freak I've been reading romance mangas again. *DORK* And honestly, it's really great. Even with all the cliches and the crying, there's always that happy ending. (as I've said, DORK) But the thing is... Whenever I'm reading a manga and get all freaky and fangirl-y, I get all depressed and bitter...  It's as if a drawer in my heart opened up and the feelings inside it all gushes out. I think I figured out why. In the stories, there is always that one person who sticks by the main character and reminds her each and every time that she's special and appreciates all that she is. *drama queen* Enough with the drama and the bitterness!!! Anywhoo... I want to try something new, something I haven't done before. And then there was that invite that I accepted concerning a thing about that thing for some event. (Ambiguous much?) But moving on, I accepted (YAY!) and I plan to friggin' do my best in it. Though I'm pretty sure I'd be the odd one out with no friends, awkwardly trying to be pleasant in t... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/16/I_am_a_manga_dork_and_a_murderous_freak Sun, 22 Nov 2009 14:46:39 -0000 first video http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/video/item/1/first_video This is the first video I've ever done... And it was a nice http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/video/item/1/first_video Sun, 15 Nov 2009 10:34:09 -0000 Challenge # 15 http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/15/Challenge_15 I want to scream I want to call out Please save me And yet I couldn't My heart yearns for you For your touch But still The world fades away with only me in the dark I want you to understand I want to be closer to you But I'm paralyzed In a stand-still Waiting for you to look Waiting for you to notice me I'm so close And yet so far You are just there But still out of reach I hope that someday In just one moment You'd finally look Even though you look away And until then I'll wait From this distance I will watch Tenderly From the outside http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/15/Challenge_15 Sat, 14 Nov 2009 02:51:35 -0000 OL Diary # 1 http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/14/OL_Diary_1 I'm thinking about leaving for a while again. Why? Maybe because of 'that'. Maybe I couldn't take the disappointment anymore or th lack of proper communication and coordination The fact is that I couldn't feel anything here. Nothing at all. And maybe it's because even the ones who are supposed to be fired up aren't really into it. It really ruins the mood when someone who was supposed to be the top dog becomes empty, wanting for something more than it all. I want a place that is filled with commitment, not half-baked. So I think I will go back. To the place where I really feel it. But I'm not sure. I want to think first. Nice and hard... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/14/OL_Diary_1 Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:25:07 -0000 Depressed, just another blog,,, BEWARE: RANT ALERT http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/13/Depressed_just_another_blog_BEWARE_RANT_ALERT I'm so depressed... I don't know what to do... I know it was my fault... And I hate myself for it... My after effects crashed and 3 days of hard work disappeared... I only managed to recover half the file, a backup from before... The real file couldn't open, saying the file is corrupt... The file was needed tonight! I tried real hard to finish the working file but it was too late... They told me to just finish it and pass it tomorrow. Clearly, they were disappointed. But what really hurts is that I worked on it for it three days... Considering that two of those are school days and the other one is a family day, I had not much time to do it. But as God as my witness I stayed up late to work on it. I've never worked on something for 3 hours straight without stopping. I did it alone.. And it was my first time making a video. And my views have changed... It was hard. You have to watch the footage, create a story board, listen to the BG song a LOT of times, Check the tempo and beat of the ... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/13/Depressed_just_another_blog_BEWARE_RANT_ALERT Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:08:05 -0000 Unfathomable http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/12/Unfathomable Expect the unexpected You keep saying that Yet how can you expect What is unexpected? If an unexpected is expected Then It wouldn't be unexpected anymore Don't tell me what to do You can't even carry The burden of your own I cannot see your face In my thoughts anymore I cannot hear you voice Calling out my name And yet your existence is still clear And the blood in my veins aches For your touch You affect me so but Loving you is unfathomable Unexpected And you said I should expect it I loved you And the passion was strong The vain apparition of your soul Telling me to fall deeper into you When you obviously haven't Wouldn't, couldn't, shouldn't It was a thin line How I conquered my throbbing heart It was not easy You were a drug I couldn't help but take But you made me ill Sicker than I have ever been How could I fall for someone So unfathomable http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/12/Unfathomable Sun, 8 Nov 2009 12:40:51 -0000 Imagine http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/11/Imagine http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/11/Imagine Sun, 8 Nov 2009 12:34:27 -0000 Challenge # 70 (a/n: not based on personal experience but collection of it around the globe. ) http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/10/Challenge_70_an_not_based_on_personal_experience_but_collection_of_it_around_the_globe._ SEE BEYOND I have lived all of my life alone... I never tried to reach out and I never really did crave for attention. I was nice and happy in my little corner in the library. I'm rebellious. I don't care what you think. I hate commitments. I hate attachments. I fool around with guys and I leave after. Breaking a heart isn't so hard and I will do it all over again if I have to. I am independent. I don't need anyone. I can stand up on my own and I am not afraid to show you pain. I know no fear, but even if I do at times I wouldn't tell you. I am strong. Being by myself is no problem. I sell my dignity not because I have to but because I want to. Relationships are but a blur to me and honestly I am better off whoring around. Guys are my puppets and I am their queen. They're all the same to me. I work for myself and only myself. I hate my family and even though they write me letters about my father being sick, I feel no pain. Why? Because I have no feelings for them and I don't need them. ... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/10/Challenge_70_an_not_based_on_personal_experience_but_collection_of_it_around_the_globe._ Sun, 8 Nov 2009 08:15:49 -0000 Wordsmiths Challenge #12 http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/9/Wordsmiths_Challenge_12 <a href="http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/1M/195"><img class="alignmiddleb" src="http://images.dutchessq17.multiply.com/image/LfhzlSAszzNs4onieuelNA/photos/1M/300x300/195/The-blue-armchair-by-kasys.jpg?et=bGGGEwvQ7BC8zN58C9%2ChPA&nmid=0" border="0"></a> They abandoned me for the reasons That I cannot see They abandoned my love and the comfort I give For a brand new place to live The things I used to do for them They've forgotten all in all But still I wait here in this place Of nothingness, all alone The seasons change, but I'm still here Thrown without remorse The leaves turn green then brown and red With companions only crows But then she came, a lonely child She ran away from home She cried all night, her bruises bright The streets she always roamed She went on by just yesterday, Grown tired from the world No one ever looked for her Alone they left the girl That night I beckoned her to come She didn't notice me For I was under a thousand leaves I couldn't shake them free The wind seemed kind that night when it Came rushing down at me The leaves were gone, She could see me! But her eyes stared wearily She looked both ways before she walked Towards me so slowly She laid herself down on my cushions Whispered goodnight to me In her dream I heard her say "My blue li... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/9/Wordsmiths_Challenge_12 Wed, 4 Nov 2009 09:18:13 -0000 I still like him... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/8/I_still_like_him... Have you ever experienced having a friend whom you feel so comfortable with? So comfortable that it doesn't bother you when he sits close? I had one in third year hs. He wasn't flashy. Nope, he was every bit as awkward as I was. I didn't stand out much, neither did he. But between the two of us, we could always notice each other. It wasn't difficult being close to him, if that's what we were. He reserves a smile for me as I do for him. We were such children as to pinch or punch each other playfully on the arm whenever we met. Needless to say, I liked him. I dreamed for it to be mutual, but I always thought of it as one-sided. But everything stops when you mature. At 4th year, I became aware of other people. My boundaries and limitations were stretched so far that he was just among the faces. And I knew I was too. But you see, I still liked him and his awkwardness. Even though my world was vast, I watched him from the corner of my eye. Three years have passed, and here I am with all my a... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/8/I_still_like_him... Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:21:08 -0000 The moment I grew.... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/6/The_moment_I_grew.... Growing is not an overnight thing... That was a lesson taught to me by the best teacher of them all... You cannot say, "Hey ya'll! I listened to *insert name here* last night and hell I am a changed man!" It doesn't happen like that. You can't look at life through rose-colored glasses, it's impossible! And if it was even a percent plausible, honey, you need book-thick glasses to filter out all life's crap.And as sure as the stars in the sky aren't really twinkling, that if you said that you grew but kept the same company your whole life, you are lying. Because in truth, growth happens in different paces. Some people grow in the right crowd. Examples are such as my co-yfcs. Good people, some of them are. Some grow by themselves, treated wrongly by the rest of the world. Just like Einstein, who was a school drop-out and a weirdo. There are also people who grow in bad company. Yes, it's possible. But there are also people like me, whose growth process is traumatically twisted. I started... http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/6/The_moment_I_grew.... Fri, 25 Sep 2009 13:09:48 -0000 My Musix http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/music/item/1/My_Musix A mix of gothic, hardcore and indie http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/music/item/1/My_Musix Fri, 25 Sep 2009 04:52:01 -0000 my classmates! http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/photos/album/4/my_classmates http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/photos/album/4/my_classmates Fri, 25 Sep 2009 04:49:54 -0000 Pet Society Photos http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/photos/album/3/Pet_Society_Photos http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/photos/album/3/Pet_Society_Photos Fri, 25 Sep 2009 04:49:47 -0000 Mga Fefe http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/photos/album/2/Mga_Fefe http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/photos/album/2/Mga_Fefe Fri, 25 Sep 2009 04:49:25 -0000 ~_________~ http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/photos/album/1/_ http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/photos/album/1/_ Fri, 25 Sep 2009 04:49:02 -0000 Blogs Deleted... Clean slate anyone? http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/5/Blogs_Deleted..._Clean_slate_anyone Wow,,, How controversial... Anyways... Fresh start... I'm done ranting about my inner anxieties and angers.... It's time fore me to start doing things in a new light... And what better way than to revamp your blog, right? It's time to clean out the toxins! http://dutchessq17.multiply.com/journal/item/5/Blogs_Deleted..._Clean_slate_anyone Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:09:26 -0000